No, but really, I'm sorry if this insults you.

I'm sorry to insult you,

But I will not be a Mrs. Anything, but Chapin.

And we will not be Mr. and Mrs. Man and Wife You May Now Kiss The Bride 'Till Death Do You Part, Under God.

Missus Belongs-To-Owner, what was your maiden name?

I'm sorry to insult you,

But I have a legacy myself.

I'm not an adopted dog, name changed by new master.

I've got my story, not history.

I'd like to live and be remembered, not by my husband's given name

But mine, the one my mama gave me.

See, I grew to love myself first

And I learned myself by calling myself Chapin,

Melody Chapin.

So, sorry to insult you, but I can't let a man replace what I love about me

With what I love about him.

While getting my coffee today

UPDATED Tuesday 7/20: Included is a video clip of me reading the poem. The video is awful quality; it's really just for the audio that I uploaded it. Please enjoy, and feel free with your comments.
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Didn't you know that
You're the reason I choose cream for my coffee?
With less calories and higher fat, it keeps me full for longer.
And you're why I know the caloric content in almost everything I eat.
And you're why I stand in the mirror in the morning, bemoaning my belly which, slim now, will grow throughout the day as I put food into my body.
I even educated myself on America's exploitation of corn farmers, corn, and thus the health of American people.
All because of how you make me feel.
So that I'm aware that the foods I choose will be the best ones to keep me healthy,
But more importantly--
Looking great.
I'd even go so far as to say
That you're the reason I hate delicious foods, all foods,
So I rebel and repent like a yo-yo moves.
You starved my body by poisoning my mind
Until even my soul got weak.
And, well, that made me think of Eve, but,
You know something?
God had no say in this.
It's you who created a weaker sex--
Well, except, people like you really do have a God complex.